Fishing Jokes

How to Catch Salmon Video

Fish Jumping in the Boat Video  (Click here to download the .zip)

Fishing in Arkansas

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."
The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"
"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."
"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to go!"
"Right I'll give you three choices... 1 You come fishing with me and the dog... 2 You give me a BLOW JOB.... 3 or you take it up the ass!"
The wife grimaces again, "But I don't want to do any of those things!"
"Wife I've given you three options.. You'll HAVE to do one of them! I'm going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!"
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, "Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, BLOW JOB, or ass?"
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, "O.K. I'll give you a blow job!"
"Great!" He says and drops his pants. The wife is on her knees doing the business. Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, "Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting... It tastes all shitty!"
"Yes!" says her husband "The dog didn't want to go fishing either."

Reasons Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex...

** You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines..

** It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

** The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Fishing.

** If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

** Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you fished with long ago

** It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

** When you see a really good Fisherperson, you don't have feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

** If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.

** Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

** You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.

** There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

** If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

 ** Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life

** Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

** Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?"

A woman goes into Wal-mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-mart associate standing there with dark glasses on. She asks, "Excuse me sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it all on the counter anyway.

He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20." She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was she. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She asks, "But didn't you say it was $20?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"

A man is out in his row boat when suddenly a passing speed boat raises huge waves and the man's oars fall overboard! He is stranded out in the middle of the lake!

After about two hours, he sees another row boat going by with a man and two women in it! The first man yells, "Hey buddy, can I borrow one of your oars?"

The other man yells back, "They're not whores ... they're my sisters!"


It was a hot summer's day, and Luke was in the marina fishing and having a few beers aboard his boat, patriotically named the "Fourth of July."

He was waiting for his friend, Opie, to arrive so they could go for a cruise. Opie was late, unfortunately, because he had to pick up his wife from her appointment with the obstetrician.

Her examinations were cheap because the doctor, a fellow named Juan, was Opie's cousin. Anyway, the appointment went over time, and Opie was late getting to the marina.

Luke had been drinking all this time, and was feeling no pain. When he saw Opie finally walking down the pier, he jumped up, staggered to the side of the boat to wave to his friend, and nearly fell in.

Opie got there just in time to grab Luke. Thus, it was that O. B. Juan's kin, Opie, saved Luke from falling to the dock side of the Fourth.

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

One for the kids:

Q: What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
A: Damn


David, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret. "Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked.

The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."

David thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.

The next day, David returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish. "Excuse me," asked David, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?"

"Well, I can, but I am not sure it will do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix."

"Hmm," thought David. It seemed that the fish in this lake would require a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the lake one more try.

On the third day, David still had no luck. As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in fish left and right. David wanted to confirm what he already knew. "Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?"

"No, I am a Rabbi." replied the man.


One day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside of a monastery. A monk came out and invited the man inside to have dinner and to spend the night. The stranded motorist gladly accepted the monk's offer.

That evening the man had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips. He decided to compliment the chef.

Entering the kitchen, the man asked the cook, "Are you the fish friar?" "No," the chef replied, "I'm the chip monk."

father and son went fishing one summer day. While they were out in their boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "Dad, how does this boat float?"

The father replied, "Don't rightly know son."

A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "Dad, how do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Dad, why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied, "Don't rightly know son."

Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

The father replied, "Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."



One day a bear sat on the side of a bank observing a fish jumping out of the
water trying to catch the fly... The bear thought to himself, if that fly
drops six inches the fish will jump up to get the fly and I will jump in
the lake and get my dinner. In burrow a little mouse surveyed the situation.
If that fly drops six inches, the fish will jump up to get the fly, the
bear will jump in to get the fish and then I can safely leave and go find my
dinner. In a tree above the bank a hungry cat looked down on the

Hmmm thought the cat, if that fly drops six inches, the fish is going to
jump up to get the fly, the bear is going to get the fish and the mouse will
run out and I will have MY dinner. So as it goes the fly drops six inches,
the fish jumps up to get the fly, the bear jumps into the lake to get the
fish, the mouse scurries out into the open and the cat falls out of the tree
intothe lake...So what is the moral of the story????